Country is Goosed

Begin : The citizens of the Republic of Ireland :

To: The citizens of the Republic of Ireland:

In light of your absolute incompetence in running your own affairs, by
continually electing the same shower of useless, greedy and corrupt
politicians, the shocking financial crisis of the last 3 years but
most of all your complete inability to bring anyone to account for
this mess or take to the streets to demonstrate your anger, Her
Majesty feels compelled to take immediate action.

You have had 88 years to get this right but have made a complete hames
of it. You cannot blame the mainland for this one.

Additionally, because of your total fascination with supporting
English football teams (and 1 Scottish), and almost total failure to
support the Airtricity league. This is an obvious expression of
desire to be British.

The final straw was the announcement of Prince William’s forthcoming
marriage appearing on the front page of all major Irish newspapers and
headline TV news on the very day Europe were trying to finalise the
takeover of the Irish economy. This clearly demonstrates a
sub-conscious desire to be British (and NOT European!).


Therefore, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
independence, and effective immediately, Her Sovereign Majesty Queen
Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over the Irish Free State .


Your new prime minister, David Cameron, will appoint a governor for
Ireland immediately.

Her majesty’s government is extremely concerned that Ireland has
already given up its sovereignty to Brussels and Strasbourg , the
European Central Bank, the International Monetary Fund and anyone else
you can borrow a few quid off so is taking this action to protect both
the people of Ireland and to restore the British Isles to its proper
status.

Dail Eireann and Seanad Eirann will be disbanded. A questionnaire may
be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. All
current TDs will be immediately re-deployed, some arrested and tried
for treason.



To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules are introduced with immediate effect:


1. The Irish language is not banned, but will no longer be part of the
school curriculum, no longer share equal status with English and all
signs in Irish are to be removed immediately. They are pointless. TG4
will be disbanded

The word(s) feck, fecker, fecking are banned, you are not fooling anyone.


2. RTE will be disbanded, you all watch BBC, ITV and Sky Sports
anyway. Your celebrities such as Pat Kenny, Ryan Tubridy etc will be offered jobs as bus drivers. The money saved will pay for Road Signs.

3. Declan Kidney will be assigned as England Rugby Manager. Brian O’Driscoll will also declare for England

4. Bacon and Cabbage are hereby banned – no one likes it. Similarly,
Abrakebabra is banned immediately and will be replaced with handily
placed kebab vans within each district. Indian restaurants will also
open until 4am.

5. Your ridiculous national anthem will be replaced by any well known U2 song with commercial potential. Royalties will go towards more Road Signs.


6. Road Safety:
a) Gay Byrne is sacked as chairman of the Road Safety Authority.
Whoever thought the smuggest individual ever to grace a TV screens
could possibly help?
b) All major traffic light intersections will be replaced with roundabouts
c) The imperial Mile measurement is to be re-introduced with immediate
effect.
d) All learner drivers are banned from driving alone with immediate effect.
e) All African driving licenses are hereby immediately revoked.
f) All persons who received a full driving license in the amnesty
are also banned from driving until they sit the test.
g) A new Garda Traffic division is to be established to patrol
shopping centre car parks for cases of extremely bad parking and
driving the wrong way round the car parks. Fine of £100 and 3 points

7. ALL tribunals will cease immediately. The money saved will be spent
on new easily visible street signs.

8. DRINK: The price of a pint of beer is to be immediately re-aligned with UK prices -£2.50 a pint.

The restricted number of pub licenses is to be removed immediately, and a Wetherspoons will be opened in every town centre throughout
Ireland , along with an O’Neills proper Irish pub.

Guinness is to be rationed to 3 pints of day per person. It is for the greater good.

9. The Euro will be phased out over the next 6 months and replaced
with the Queen’s shilling. Most of you will be more comfortable with it anyway.

10. Dressing up 8 year old girls in wedding dresses for Communions is also considered
an extremely unhealthy activity. Special licenses will be required for this, with money going for Road Signs.

11. You will cease playing all Gaelic games for the next 20 years. All titles in the intervening period will be awarded to Kerry and Kilkenny, thereby saving you a lot of bother. All GAA facilities will be handed over to the English cricket authorities. Cricket will become mandatory in all schools.

12. Please tell us what happened to Shergar..

13. An inland revenue agent from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due
(backdated to 1949).

14. Talking of 1949, Ireland will be immediately re-admitted to the Commonwealth and therefore allowed access to commonwealth country
trade markets but more importantly have a better chance of winning medals at a major sporting event.


God save the Queen

bocerty wrote:Begin : The citizens of the Republic of Ireland :

To: The citizens of the Republic of Ireland:

In light of your absolute incompetence in running your own affairs, by
continually electing the same shower of useless, greedy and corrupt
politicians, the shocking financial crisis of the last 3 years but
most of all your complete inability to bring anyone to account for
this mess or take to the streets to demonstrate your anger, Her
Majesty feels compelled to take immediate action.

You have had 88 years to get this right but have made a complete hames
of it. You cannot blame the mainland for this one.

Additionally, because of your total fascination with supporting
English football teams (and 1 Scottish), and almost total failure to
support the Airtricity league. This is an obvious expression of
desire to be British.

The final straw was the announcement of Prince William’s forthcoming
marriage appearing on the front page of all major Irish newspapers and
headline TV news on the very day Europe were trying to finalise the
takeover of the Irish economy. This clearly demonstrates a
sub-conscious desire to be British (and NOT European!).


Therefore, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
independence, and effective immediately, Her Sovereign Majesty Queen
Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over the Irish Free State .


Your new prime minister, David Cameron, will appoint a governor for
Ireland immediately.

Her majesty’s government is extremely concerned that Ireland has
already given up its sovereignty to Brussels and Strasbourg , the
European Central Bank, the International Monetary Fund and anyone else
you can borrow a few quid off so is taking this action to protect both
the people of Ireland and to restore the British Isles to its proper
status.

Dail Eireann and Seanad Eirann will be disbanded. A questionnaire may
be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. All
current TDs will be immediately re-deployed, some arrested and tried
for treason.



To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules are introduced with immediate effect:


1. The Irish language is not banned, but will no longer be part of the
school curriculum, no longer share equal status with English and all
signs in Irish are to be removed immediately. They are pointless. TG4
will be disbanded

The word(s) feck, fecker, fecking are banned, you are not fooling anyone.


2. RTE will be disbanded, you all watch BBC, ITV and Sky Sports
anyway. Your celebrities such as Pat Kenny, Ryan Tubridy etc will be offered jobs as bus drivers. The money saved will pay for Road Signs.

3. Declan Kidney will be assigned as England Rugby Manager. Brian O’Driscoll will also declare for England

4. Bacon and Cabbage are hereby banned – no one likes it. Similarly,
Abrakebabra is banned immediately and will be replaced with handily
placed kebab vans within each district. Indian restaurants will also
open until 4am.

5. Your ridiculous national anthem will be replaced by any well known U2 song with commercial potential. Royalties will go towards more Road Signs.


6. Road Safety:
a) Gay Byrne is sacked as chairman of the Road Safety Authority.
Whoever thought the smuggest individual ever to grace a TV screens
could possibly help?
b) All major traffic light intersections will be replaced with roundabouts
c) The imperial Mile measurement is to be re-introduced with immediate
effect.
d) All learner drivers are banned from driving alone with immediate effect.
e) All African driving licenses are hereby immediately revoked.
f) All persons who received a full driving license in the amnesty
are also banned from driving until they sit the test.
g) A new Garda Traffic division is to be established to patrol
shopping centre car parks for cases of extremely bad parking and
driving the wrong way round the car parks. Fine of £100 and 3 points

7. ALL tribunals will cease immediately. The money saved will be spent
on new easily visible street signs.

8. DRINK: The price of a pint of beer is to be immediately re-aligned with UK prices -£2.50 a pint.

The restricted number of pub licenses is to be removed immediately, and a Wetherspoons will be opened in every town centre throughout
Ireland , along with an O’Neills proper Irish pub.

Guinness is to be rationed to 3 pints of day per person. It is for the greater good.

9. The Euro will be phased out over the next 6 months and replaced
with the Queen’s shilling. Most of you will be more comfortable with it anyway.

10. Dressing up 8 year old girls in wedding dresses for Communions is also considered
an extremely unhealthy activity. Special licenses will be required for this, with money going for Road Signs.

11. You will cease playing all Gaelic games for the next 20 years. All titles in the intervening period will be awarded to Kerry and Kilkenny, thereby saving you a lot of bother. All GAA facilities will be handed over to the English cricket authorities. Cricket will become mandatory in all schools.

12. Please tell us what happened to Shergar..

13. An inland revenue agent from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due
(backdated to 1949).

14. Talking of 1949, Ireland will be immediately re-admitted to the Commonwealth and therefore allowed access to commonwealth country
trade markets but more importantly have a better chance of winning medals at a major sporting event.


God save the Queen

Great post bocerty but i couldn't see myself being part of an empire..I say bring the nordies in to a United Ireland first [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] Ask not what you can do

Bank Holiday for the Royal wedding
Pubs open on XMAS day and Good Friday (although this has never been an issue in Donegal)

Nicknames for GAA players will follow strict guidelines with immediate effect, adding either -o or -ey as appropriate to surnames. Kieran Donaghy will not be Star he will be Donno. Colm Cooper will be Coopo, Rory Woods will not be Rory Spuds but Woodsey.
Every club will cease to name their heavy full forward Bomber and alter their family name instead, other names on the black list are, Squillachi, The Bull and The Bear.

Jonsmith wrote:Nicknames for GAA players will follow strict guidelines with immediate effect, adding either -o or -ey as appropriate to surnames. Kieran Donaghy will not be Star he will be Donno. Colm Cooper will be Coopo, Rory Woods will not be Rory Spuds but Woodsey.
Every club will cease to name their heavy full forward Bomber and alter their family name instead, other names on the black list are, Squillachi, The Bull and The Bear.

You're being silly now - That would never catch on in Dublin

OMAR wrote:

Jonsmith wrote:Nicknames for GAA players will follow strict guidelines with immediate effect, adding either -o or -ey as appropriate to surnames. Kieran Donaghy will not be Star he will be Donno. Colm Cooper will be Coopo, Rory Woods will not be Rory Spuds but Woodsey.
Every club will cease to name their heavy full forward Bomber and alter their family name instead, other names on the black list are, Squillachi, The Bull and The Bear.

You're being silly now - That would never catch on in Dublin

You just don't want people to start calling you Omo..

I am already in training for the 2014 Commonwealth Games in Glasgow! We could have a few good competitors here - the Tyrone lads at the diving, mullins at fencing , Boc at cycling ... and the winner of the Gold Medal, representing Ireland is Jason Cluxton .... for life saving!! It is a discipline!