The Saving of Sam and Liam ...

Wrote by JayoCluxton on 13/08/2008 12:24:03

It is 66AD and Nero fiddles while Rome burns - like any good county councillor! The leader of the GPA (Gladiator Players Association) Dessicus Farrellus has come to the leader demanding payment. He is unhappy that a 'thumbs up' is the sum total of their lot when they are filling stadia, coliseums and amphitheatres left right and centre. "I demand silverware. The best silverware in the world - and it resides in Hibernia. I demand that Sam Maguire and Liam McCarthy are presented to our top gladiators." A tribune whispers to Nero that this is impossible. The Hibernians are not for messing with - very few people get to touch Sam and Liam there. The fiercest felines normally defend Liam - the Cats are renowned for their ferocity and as for Sam - they are defended by a people that even their own leader describes as animals!

Nero - undaunted - dispatches a legion of soldiers to deliver the Holy Grail to the hills of Rome. The Irish GAA hierarchy get wind of the impending invasion. "A team of barbaric foreigners coming to whip our lads by fair means and foul and make off with our booty - oh no! Not the Compromise Rules again!" cries Ioannes Kelly. A quick meeting is convened in Ye Olde Hayes Inn in Thurles and all Gaels vow to drive the invaders away cupless!

The intrepid (great word haven't a clue what it actually means) Romans plan to land in the north of Hibernia. For they hear of cheaper beer and a favourable exchange rate. They slip into Beal Feirste and plan to hook up with Harland and Wolf ( a distant relation of Romulus and Remus). Alas a welcoming party awaits including North Side Gael and all the other (true) Gaels (who don't support Leeds United). A massive battle ensues where the Barber of Mugsy slits a 100 throats and RMDs Flying Stephen Column show the Romans the door via a famed blanket defence. The attackers have the life sucked out of them, suffocated by swarms of Ulster's finest! They beat a hasty retreat southwards stopping only in Castlebellingham for the 'Fawlty Towers' experience. Next port of call is Navan and an area of true history - Tara Valley - home of the greatest infrastructure since the Appian Way - the M3. The Romans genuflect on the motorway and quickly head for Pairc Tailteann seeking out Sam. A vast crowd awaits them (bingo on Tuesday night) but hot coffee and tea rains from the Stands - a la Wheelo - as they leg it! On departure they take a hostage - Loyal2theRomans - who informs them that Sam is probably in Mayo - the second best team in the country. The Romans head West!

On arrival in Mayo they are struck by the signage that appears everwhere. "2nd Best Bakery", "2nd Best Hardware", "2nd Best Butcher" etc. They now realise that Sam has never lived here nor is he likely to. They come across a couple of turncoats -Toutboy and Whiterbannnastout - who, for 20 pieces of silver - advise that the Holy Grail may well be found in the Republic of Cork. They head quickly for Cork as the two Mayomen laboriously wipe the soldiers' behinds while bowing and scraping!

Original plans had included a stopover in Limerick but the Roman General muttered - "We've fought the toughest battles in Western Civilisation, we've had the Crusades, the lions in the coliseum but Limerick - hey, man we all like life a little too much!" So they gave it a skip!

And so to Cork. The intention is to surround and invade Pairc Ui Chaoimh from land and river and be victorious - taking their plan from the Great '83 Dublin replay battle victory! By stealth they storm the stadium and gain the surprise element - they think! But the stadium is empty. Apparently the Cork GAA players had heard that a foreign contingent was coming to the game and argued that they hadn't trained for this so they called a strike. The Romans are now getting seriously befuddled and enthusiasm is waning. They decide to head to the Capitol - as they call it - via Waterford.

Nobody warns them of the Shanahan-Mullane factor. This blonde tight cropped guy appears in their faces, whipping up a frenzy and wildly waving a caman - while his laidback Uncle Dan approaches and with that toothless smile and menace driving the Romans across the river at Passage. The soldiers are lucky to encounter a ford (not Matty) and make it to Ballyhack! They spend the night in Ye Olde Liam Griffin's hostelry and his enthusiasm is such that half the lads end up staying in Wexford, dancing at the crossroads, marrying Wexford girls and singing Boolavogue at their kids communions!

The rest make for Dublin. A few snipers in the Wicklow Hills appear but their General is absent. "Roman Legion is Tommy Murphy stuff", he said, "if its something serious like Brian Mullins or a Donegal hen night I'll be there - otherwise it's Waterville for me."

And so they march on the Museum of Croke Park - and word is that Sam and Liam are on display. The Romans are excited - especially when they get to Macaris on the NCR. Forget your linguini, ravioli, rigatoni, spaghetti, tortellini or vermicelli - these guys are now looking at a one on one (Dubspeak - wan-on-wan ie fish and chips!) - armies don't march on bellies - just grease!

Jones Road is a hive of activity - because Beacaire Gorm is having an Open Day! The Romans decide to take a northerly route to the stadium via Hill 16 - big mistake! They plan to attack at 4 o'clock but their isn't a Dub to be seen! Fifteen minutes later - as usual - the Dubs invade the stadium. With General Snufalufagus (although a Roman sounding name, the man is Lucan to the core) in command, cans of Dutch Gold and Bulmers rain on the Romans. "Holymoly" cries one! "Holymoly and Liam beside him!" cries another! The Romans goose is cooked as they are laid waste (wow learned that in Latin and never thought I'd have the opportunity to use it again - just shows you!) and vanquished on the Hibernian soil.

Sam and Liam are safe - the gaels, the Ulsters, the Royals, the Wesht and the south - the Midlands, the South Easterners and the Dubs have ensured that GAA tradition will continue. No man or woman can claim the higher moral ground for the people have banded as one to hold onto their heritage.

Alas - safe from the fact that the most terrifying and able conquerors can not defeat the Hibernian spirit, they resort to fighting among themselves - and all over the said two Cups! And so it continues to this day on HS. But deep down its an Oirish thing - respect each other but whatever else ya do - don't let on ye do!!!

Part II to follow later...........

Can Part III be expected any time soon?

Loyal2TheRoyal wrote:It is 66AD and Nero fiddles while Rome burns - like any good county councillor! The leader of the GPA (Gladiator Players Association) Dessicus Farrellus has come to the leader demanding payment. He is unhappy that a 'thumbs up' is the sum total of their lot when they are filling stadia, coliseums and amphitheatres left right and centre. "I demand silverware. The best silverware in the world - and it resides in Hibernia. I demand that Sam Maguire and Liam McCarthy are presented to our top gladiators." A tribune whispers to Nero that this is impossible. The Hibernians are not for messing with - very few people get to touch Sam and Liam there. The fiercest felines normally defend Liam - the Cats are renowned for their ferocity and as for Sam - they are defended by a people that even their own leader describes as animals!

Nero - undaunted - dispatches a legion of soldiers to deliver the Holy Grail to the hills of Rome. The Irish GAA hierarchy get wind of the impending invasion. "A team of barbaric foreigners coming to whip our lads by fair means and foul and make off with our booty - oh no! Not the Compromise Rules again!" cries Ioannes Kelly. A quick meeting is convened in Ye Olde Hayes Inn in Thurles and all Gaels vow to drive the invaders away cupless!

The intrepid (great word haven't a clue what it actually means) Romans plan to land in the north of Hibernia. For they hear of cheaper beer and a favourable exchange rate. They slip into Beal Feirste and plan to hook up with Harland and Wolf ( a distant relation of Romulus and Remus). Alas a welcoming party awaits including North Side Gael and all the other (true) Gaels (who don't support Leeds United). A massive battle ensues where the Barber of Mugsy slits a 100 throats and RMDs Flying Stephen Column show the Romans the door via a famed blanket defence. The attackers have the life sucked out of them, suffocated by swarms of Ulster's finest! They beat a hasty retreat southwards stopping only in Castlebellingham for the 'Fawlty Towers' experience. Next port of call is Navan and an area of true history - Tara Valley - home of the greatest infrastructure since the Appian Way - the M3. The Romans genuflect on the motorway and quickly head for Pairc Tailteann seeking out Sam. A vast crowd awaits them (bingo on Tuesday night) but hot coffee and tea rains from the Stands - a la Wheelo - as they leg it! On departure they take a hostage - Loyal2theRomans - who informs them that Sam is probably in Mayo - the second best team in the country. The Romans head West!

On arrival in Mayo they are struck by the signage that appears everwhere. "2nd Best Bakery", "2nd Best Hardware", "2nd Best Butcher" etc. They now realise that Sam has never lived here nor is he likely to. They come across a couple of turncoats -Toutboy and Whiterbannnastout - who, for 20 pieces of silver - advise that the Holy Grail may well be found in the Republic of Cork. They head quickly for Cork as the two Mayomen laboriously wipe the soldiers' behinds while bowing and scraping!

Original plans had included a stopover in Limerick but the Roman General muttered - "We've fought the toughest battles in Western Civilisation, we've had the Crusades, the lions in the coliseum but Limerick - hey, man we all like life a little too much!" So they gave it a skip!

And so to Cork. The intention is to surround and invade Pairc Ui Chaoimh from land and river and be victorious - taking their plan from the Great '83 Dublin replay battle victory! By stealth they storm the stadium and gain the surprise element - they think! But the stadium is empty. Apparently the Cork GAA players had heard that a foreign contingent was coming to the game and argued that they hadn't trained for this so they called a strike. The Romans are now getting seriously befuddled and enthusiasm is waning. They decide to head to the Capitol - as they call it - via Waterford.

Nobody warns them of the Shanahan-Mullane factor. This blonde tight cropped guy appears in their faces, whipping up a frenzy and wildly waving a caman - while his laidback Uncle Dan approaches and with that toothless smile and menace driving the Romans across the river at Passage. The soldiers are lucky to encounter a ford (not Matty) and make it to Ballyhack! They spend the night in Ye Olde Liam Griffin's hostelry and his enthusiasm is such that half the lads end up staying in Wexford, dancing at the crossroads, marrying Wexford girls and singing Boolavogue at their kids communions!

The rest make for Dublin. A few snipers in the Wicklow Hills appear but their General is absent. "Roman Legion is Tommy Murphy stuff", he said, "if its something serious like Brian Mullins or a Donegal hen night I'll be there - otherwise it's Waterville for me."

And so they march on the Museum of Croke Park - and word is that Sam and Liam are on display. The Romans are excited - especially when they get to Macaris on the NCR. Forget your linguini, ravioli, rigatoni, spaghetti, tortellini or vermicelli - these guys are now looking at a one on one (Dubspeak - wan-on-wan ie fish and chips!) - armies don't march on bellies - just grease!

Jones Road is a hive of activity - because Beacaire Gorm is having an Open Day! The Romans decide to take a northerly route to the stadium via Hill 16 - big mistake! They plan to attack at 4 o'clock but their isn't a Dub to be seen! Fifteen minutes later - as usual - the Dubs invade the stadium. With General Snufalufagus (although a Roman sounding name, the man is Lucan to the core) in command, cans of Dutch Gold and Bulmers rain on the Romans. "Holymoly" cries one! "Holymoly and Liam beside him!" cries another! The Romans goose is cooked as they are laid waste (wow learned that in Latin and never thought I'd have the opportunity to use it again - just shows you!) and vanquished on the Hibernian soil.

Sam and Liam are safe - the gaels, the Ulsters, the Royals, the Wesht and the south - the Midlands, the South Easterners and the Dubs have ensured that GAA tradition will continue. No man or woman can claim the higher moral ground for the people have banded as one to hold onto their heritage.

Alas - safe from the fact that the most terrifying and able conquerors can not defeat the Hibernian spirit, they resort to fighting among themselves - and all over the said two Cups! And so it continues to this day on HS. But deep down its an Oirish thing - respect each other but whatever else ya do - don't let on ye do!!!

I support Leeds and I'm one of the most Irish people ever. Also the Mayo thing, so not funny.
Can you tell me when the Barbarian tribe come into this. They took over Meath didn't they?

LilMaighEo wrote:

Loyal2TheRoyal wrote:It is 66AD and Nero fiddles while Rome burns - like any good county councillor! The leader of the GPA (Gladiator Players Association) Dessicus Farrellus has come to the leader demanding payment. He is unhappy that a 'thumbs up' is the sum total of their lot when they are filling stadia, coliseums and amphitheatres left right and centre. "I demand silverware. The best silverware in the world - and it resides in Hibernia. I demand that Sam Maguire and Liam McCarthy are presented to our top gladiators." A tribune whispers to Nero that this is impossible. The Hibernians are not for messing with - very few people get to touch Sam and Liam there. The fiercest felines normally defend Liam - the Cats are renowned for their ferocity and as for Sam - they are defended by a people that even their own leader describes as animals!

Nero - undaunted - dispatches a legion of soldiers to deliver the Holy Grail to the hills of Rome. The Irish GAA hierarchy get wind of the impending invasion. "A team of barbaric foreigners coming to whip our lads by fair means and foul and make off with our booty - oh no! Not the Compromise Rules again!" cries Ioannes Kelly. A quick meeting is convened in Ye Olde Hayes Inn in Thurles and all Gaels vow to drive the invaders away cupless!

The intrepid (great word haven't a clue what it actually means) Romans plan to land in the north of Hibernia. For they hear of cheaper beer and a favourable exchange rate. They slip into Beal Feirste and plan to hook up with Harland and Wolf ( a distant relation of Romulus and Remus). Alas a welcoming party awaits including North Side Gael and all the other (true) Gaels (who don't support Leeds United). A massive battle ensues where the Barber of Mugsy slits a 100 throats and RMDs Flying Stephen Column show the Romans the door via a famed blanket defence. The attackers have the life sucked out of them, suffocated by swarms of Ulster's finest! They beat a hasty retreat southwards stopping only in Castlebellingham for the 'Fawlty Towers' experience. Next port of call is Navan and an area of true history - Tara Valley - home of the greatest infrastructure since the Appian Way - the M3. The Romans genuflect on the motorway and quickly head for Pairc Tailteann seeking out Sam. A vast crowd awaits them (bingo on Tuesday night) but hot coffee and tea rains from the Stands - a la Wheelo - as they leg it! On departure they take a hostage - Loyal2theRomans - who informs them that Sam is probably in Mayo - the second best team in the country. The Romans head West!

On arrival in Mayo they are struck by the signage that appears everwhere. "2nd Best Bakery", "2nd Best Hardware", "2nd Best Butcher" etc. They now realise that Sam has never lived here nor is he likely to. They come across a couple of turncoats -Toutboy and Whiterbannnastout - who, for 20 pieces of silver - advise that the Holy Grail may well be found in the Republic of Cork. They head quickly for Cork as the two Mayomen laboriously wipe the soldiers' behinds while bowing and scraping!

Original plans had included a stopover in Limerick but the Roman General muttered - "We've fought the toughest battles in Western Civilisation, we've had the Crusades, the lions in the coliseum but Limerick - hey, man we all like life a little too much!" So they gave it a skip!

And so to Cork. The intention is to surround and invade Pairc Ui Chaoimh from land and river and be victorious - taking their plan from the Great '83 Dublin replay battle victory! By stealth they storm the stadium and gain the surprise element - they think! But the stadium is empty. Apparently the Cork GAA players had heard that a foreign contingent was coming to the game and argued that they hadn't trained for this so they called a strike. The Romans are now getting seriously befuddled and enthusiasm is waning. They decide to head to the Capitol - as they call it - via Waterford.

Nobody warns them of the Shanahan-Mullane factor. This blonde tight cropped guy appears in their faces, whipping up a frenzy and wildly waving a caman - while his laidback Uncle Dan approaches and with that toothless smile and menace driving the Romans across the river at Passage. The soldiers are lucky to encounter a ford (not Matty) and make it to Ballyhack! They spend the night in Ye Olde Liam Griffin's hostelry and his enthusiasm is such that half the lads end up staying in Wexford, dancing at the crossroads, marrying Wexford girls and singing Boolavogue at their kids communions!

The rest make for Dublin. A few snipers in the Wicklow Hills appear but their General is absent. "Roman Legion is Tommy Murphy stuff", he said, "if its something serious like Brian Mullins or a Donegal hen night I'll be there - otherwise it's Waterville for me."

And so they march on the Museum of Croke Park - and word is that Sam and Liam are on display. The Romans are excited - especially when they get to Macaris on the NCR. Forget your linguini, ravioli, rigatoni, spaghetti, tortellini or vermicelli - these guys are now looking at a one on one (Dubspeak - wan-on-wan ie fish and chips!) - armies don't march on bellies - just grease!

Jones Road is a hive of activity - because Beacaire Gorm is having an Open Day! The Romans decide to take a northerly route to the stadium via Hill 16 - big mistake! They plan to attack at 4 o'clock but their isn't a Dub to be seen! Fifteen minutes later - as usual - the Dubs invade the stadium. With General Snufalufagus (although a Roman sounding name, the man is Lucan to the core) in command, cans of Dutch Gold and Bulmers rain on the Romans. "Holymoly" cries one! "Holymoly and Liam beside him!" cries another! The Romans goose is cooked as they are laid waste (wow learned that in Latin and never thought I'd have the opportunity to use it again - just shows you!) and vanquished on the Hibernian soil.

Sam and Liam are safe - the gaels, the Ulsters, the Royals, the Wesht and the south - the Midlands, the South Easterners and the Dubs have ensured that GAA tradition will continue. No man or woman can claim the higher moral ground for the people have banded as one to hold onto their heritage.

Alas - safe from the fact that the most terrifying and able conquerors can not defeat the Hibernian spirit, they resort to fighting among themselves - and all over the said two Cups! And so it continues to this day on HS. But deep down its an Oirish thing - respect each other but whatever else ya do - don't let on ye do!!!

I support Leeds and I'm one of the most Irish people ever. Also the Mayo thing, so not funny.
Can you tell me when the Barbarian tribe come into this. They took over Meath didn't they?

ya loyal, what makes us less Irish because we suppport Leeds UNited??? and i agree that the Mayo thing, not funnny at all. seems more like something that Meath men would have been doing

Swinford2009 wrote:

LilMaighEo wrote:
I support Leeds and I'm one of the most Irish people ever. Also the Mayo thing, so not funny.
Can you tell me when the Barbarian tribe come into this. They took over Meath didn't they?

ya loyal, what makes us less Irish because we suppport Leeds UNited??? and i agree that the Mayo thing, not funnny at all. seems more like something that Meath men would have been doing

Jayo wrote the story so please direct your ire at him.

Loyal2TheRoyal wrote:Wrote by JayoCluxton on 13/08/2008 12:24:03

It is 66AD and Nero fiddles while Rome burns - like any good county councillor! The leader of the GPA (Gladiator Players Association) Dessicus Farrellus has come to the leader demanding payment. He is unhappy that a 'thumbs up' is the sum total of their lot when they are filling stadia, coliseums and amphitheatres left right and centre. "I demand silverware. The best silverware in the world - and it resides in Hibernia. I demand that Sam Maguire and Liam McCarthy are presented to our top gladiators." A tribune whispers to Nero that this is impossible. The Hibernians are not for messing with - very few people get to touch Sam and Liam there. The fiercest felines normally defend Liam - the Cats are renowned for their ferocity and as for Sam - they are defended by a people that even their own leader describes as animals!

Nero - undaunted - dispatches a legion of soldiers to deliver the Holy Grail to the hills of Rome. The Irish GAA hierarchy get wind of the impending invasion. "A team of barbaric foreigners coming to whip our lads by fair means and foul and make off with our booty - oh no! Not the Compromise Rules again!" cries Ioannes Kelly. A quick meeting is convened in Ye Olde Hayes Inn in Thurles and all Gaels vow to drive the invaders away cupless!

The intrepid (great word haven't a clue what it actually means) Romans plan to land in the north of Hibernia. For they hear of cheaper beer and a favourable exchange rate. They slip into Beal Feirste and plan to hook up with Harland and Wolf ( a distant relation of Romulus and Remus). Alas a welcoming party awaits including North Side Gael and all the other (true) Gaels (who don't support Leeds United). A massive battle ensues where the Barber of Mugsy slits a 100 throats and RMDs Flying Stephen Column show the Romans the door via a famed blanket defence. The attackers have the life sucked out of them, suffocated by swarms of Ulster's finest! They beat a hasty retreat southwards stopping only in Castlebellingham for the 'Fawlty Towers' experience. Next port of call is Navan and an area of true history - Tara Valley - home of the greatest infrastructure since the Appian Way - the M3. The Romans genuflect on the motorway and quickly head for Pairc Tailteann seeking out Sam. A vast crowd awaits them (bingo on Tuesday night) but hot coffee and tea rains from the Stands - a la Wheelo - as they leg it! On departure they take a hostage - Loyal2theRomans - who informs them that Sam is probably in Mayo - the second best team in the country. The Romans head West!

On arrival in Mayo they are struck by the signage that appears everwhere. "2nd Best Bakery", "2nd Best Hardware", "2nd Best Butcher" etc. They now realise that Sam has never lived here nor is he likely to. They come across a couple of turncoats -Toutboy and Whiterbannnastout - who, for 20 pieces of silver - advise that the Holy Grail may well be found in the Republic of Cork. They head quickly for Cork as the two Mayomen laboriously wipe the soldiers' behinds while bowing and scraping!

Original plans had included a stopover in Limerick but the Roman General muttered - "We've fought the toughest battles in Western Civilisation, we've had the Crusades, the lions in the coliseum but Limerick - hey, man we all like life a little too much!" So they gave it a skip!

And so to Cork. The intention is to surround and invade Pairc Ui Chaoimh from land and river and be victorious - taking their plan from the Great '83 Dublin replay battle victory! By stealth they storm the stadium and gain the surprise element - they think! But the stadium is empty. Apparently the Cork GAA players had heard that a foreign contingent was coming to the game and argued that they hadn't trained for this so they called a strike. The Romans are now getting seriously befuddled and enthusiasm is waning. They decide to head to the Capitol - as they call it - via Waterford.

Nobody warns them of the Shanahan-Mullane factor. This blonde tight cropped guy appears in their faces, whipping up a frenzy and wildly waving a caman - while his laidback Uncle Dan approaches and with that toothless smile and menace driving the Romans across the river at Passage. The soldiers are lucky to encounter a ford (not Matty) and make it to Ballyhack! They spend the night in Ye Olde Liam Griffin's hostelry and his enthusiasm is such that half the lads end up staying in Wexford, dancing at the crossroads, marrying Wexford girls and singing Boolavogue at their kids communions!

The rest make for Dublin. A few snipers in the Wicklow Hills appear but their General is absent. "Roman Legion is Tommy Murphy stuff", he said, "if its something serious like Brian Mullins or a Donegal hen night I'll be there - otherwise it's Waterville for me."

And so they march on the Museum of Croke Park - and word is that Sam and Liam are on display. The Romans are excited - especially when they get to Macaris on the NCR. Forget your linguini, ravioli, rigatoni, spaghetti, tortellini or vermicelli - these guys are now looking at a one on one (Dubspeak - wan-on-wan ie fish and chips!) - armies don't march on bellies - just grease!

Jones Road is a hive of activity - because Beacaire Gorm is having an Open Day! The Romans decide to take a northerly route to the stadium via Hill 16 - big mistake! They plan to attack at 4 o'clock but their isn't a Dub to be seen! Fifteen minutes later - as usual - the Dubs invade the stadium. With General Snufalufagus (although a Roman sounding name, the man is Lucan to the core) in command, cans of Dutch Gold and Bulmers rain on the Romans. "Holymoly" cries one! "Holymoly and Liam beside him!" cries another! The Romans goose is cooked as they are laid waste (wow learned that in Latin and never thought I'd have the opportunity to use it again - just shows you!) and vanquished on the Hibernian soil.

Sam and Liam are safe - the gaels, the Ulsters, the Royals, the Wesht and the south - the Midlands, the South Easterners and the Dubs have ensured that GAA tradition will continue. No man or woman can claim the higher moral ground for the people have banded as one to hold onto their heritage.

Alas - safe from the fact that the most terrifying and able conquerors can not defeat the Hibernian spirit, they resort to fighting among themselves - and all over the said two Cups! And so it continues to this day on HS. But deep down its an Oirish thing - respect each other but whatever else ya do - don't let on ye do!!!

what a load of crap. I support leeds-and i can tell you that i'm a true irish cáilín. More irish than you loyal because i'm a gaeilgóir. Stop filling up gaatiipster with stuff like this....

And what a post it was, RMD! Voted second greatest post on HS in 2008, number one was Part II of this story.

Bit embarrasing from Swinford and the two Mayo ladies there, no doubt they will try and go back on their words now they know I wasn't the author of the story - the perfect example of judging the poster and not the post.

Not one negative comment did this post recieve on HS and already three here - presumably because everyone thinks I wrote it, not that I'm overly bothered. It just shows the people who replied up for what they are.

EstherMayo1951 wrote:

Loyal2TheRoyal wrote:Wrote by JayoCluxton on 13/08/2008 12:24:03

It is 66AD and Nero fiddles while Rome burns - like any good county councillor! The leader of the GPA (Gladiator Players Association) Dessicus Farrellus has come to the leader demanding payment. He is unhappy that a 'thumbs up' is the sum total of their lot when they are filling stadia, coliseums and amphitheatres left right and centre. "I demand silverware. The best silverware in the world - and it resides in Hibernia. I demand that Sam Maguire and Liam McCarthy are presented to our top gladiators." A tribune whispers to Nero that this is impossible. The Hibernians are not for messing with - very few people get to touch Sam and Liam there. The fiercest felines normally defend Liam - the Cats are renowned for their ferocity and as for Sam - they are defended by a people that even their own leader describes as animals!

Nero - undaunted - dispatches a legion of soldiers to deliver the Holy Grail to the hills of Rome. The Irish GAA hierarchy get wind of the impending invasion. "A team of barbaric foreigners coming to whip our lads by fair means and foul and make off with our booty - oh no! Not the Compromise Rules again!" cries Ioannes Kelly. A quick meeting is convened in Ye Olde Hayes Inn in Thurles and all Gaels vow to drive the invaders away cupless!

The intrepid (great word haven't a clue what it actually means) Romans plan to land in the north of Hibernia. For they hear of cheaper beer and a favourable exchange rate. They slip into Beal Feirste and plan to hook up with Harland and Wolf ( a distant relation of Romulus and Remus). Alas a welcoming party awaits including North Side Gael and all the other (true) Gaels (who don't support Leeds United). A massive battle ensues where the Barber of Mugsy slits a 100 throats and RMDs Flying Stephen Column show the Romans the door via a famed blanket defence. The attackers have the life sucked out of them, suffocated by swarms of Ulster's finest! They beat a hasty retreat southwards stopping only in Castlebellingham for the 'Fawlty Towers' experience. Next port of call is Navan and an area of true history - Tara Valley - home of the greatest infrastructure since the Appian Way - the M3. The Romans genuflect on the motorway and quickly head for Pairc Tailteann seeking out Sam. A vast crowd awaits them (bingo on Tuesday night) but hot coffee and tea rains from the Stands - a la Wheelo - as they leg it! On departure they take a hostage - Loyal2theRomans - who informs them that Sam is probably in Mayo - the second best team in the country. The Romans head West!

On arrival in Mayo they are struck by the signage that appears everwhere. "2nd Best Bakery", "2nd Best Hardware", "2nd Best Butcher" etc. They now realise that Sam has never lived here nor is he likely to. They come across a couple of turncoats -Toutboy and Whiterbannnastout - who, for 20 pieces of silver - advise that the Holy Grail may well be found in the Republic of Cork. They head quickly for Cork as the two Mayomen laboriously wipe the soldiers' behinds while bowing and scraping!

Original plans had included a stopover in Limerick but the Roman General muttered - "We've fought the toughest battles in Western Civilisation, we've had the Crusades, the lions in the coliseum but Limerick - hey, man we all like life a little too much!" So they gave it a skip!

And so to Cork. The intention is to surround and invade Pairc Ui Chaoimh from land and river and be victorious - taking their plan from the Great '83 Dublin replay battle victory! By stealth they storm the stadium and gain the surprise element - they think! But the stadium is empty. Apparently the Cork GAA players had heard that a foreign contingent was coming to the game and argued that they hadn't trained for this so they called a strike. The Romans are now getting seriously befuddled and enthusiasm is waning. They decide to head to the Capitol - as they call it - via Waterford.

Nobody warns them of the Shanahan-Mullane factor. This blonde tight cropped guy appears in their faces, whipping up a frenzy and wildly waving a caman - while his laidback Uncle Dan approaches and with that toothless smile and menace driving the Romans across the river at Passage. The soldiers are lucky to encounter a ford (not Matty) and make it to Ballyhack! They spend the night in Ye Olde Liam Griffin's hostelry and his enthusiasm is such that half the lads end up staying in Wexford, dancing at the crossroads, marrying Wexford girls and singing Boolavogue at their kids communions!

The rest make for Dublin. A few snipers in the Wicklow Hills appear but their General is absent. "Roman Legion is Tommy Murphy stuff", he said, "if its something serious like Brian Mullins or a Donegal hen night I'll be there - otherwise it's Waterville for me."

And so they march on the Museum of Croke Park - and word is that Sam and Liam are on display. The Romans are excited - especially when they get to Macaris on the NCR. Forget your linguini, ravioli, rigatoni, spaghetti, tortellini or vermicelli - these guys are now looking at a one on one (Dubspeak - wan-on-wan ie fish and chips!) - armies don't march on bellies - just grease!

Jones Road is a hive of activity - because Beacaire Gorm is having an Open Day! The Romans decide to take a northerly route to the stadium via Hill 16 - big mistake! They plan to attack at 4 o'clock but their isn't a Dub to be seen! Fifteen minutes later - as usual - the Dubs invade the stadium. With General Snufalufagus (although a Roman sounding name, the man is Lucan to the core) in command, cans of Dutch Gold and Bulmers rain on the Romans. "Holymoly" cries one! "Holymoly and Liam beside him!" cries another! The Romans goose is cooked as they are laid waste (wow learned that in Latin and never thought I'd have the opportunity to use it again - just shows you!) and vanquished on the Hibernian soil.

Sam and Liam are safe - the gaels, the Ulsters, the Royals, the Wesht and the south - the Midlands, the South Easterners and the Dubs have ensured that GAA tradition will continue. No man or woman can claim the higher moral ground for the people have banded as one to hold onto their heritage.

Alas - safe from the fact that the most terrifying and able conquerors can not defeat the Hibernian spirit, they resort to fighting among themselves - and all over the said two Cups! And so it continues to this day on HS. But deep down its an Oirish thing - respect each other but whatever else ya do - don't let on ye do!!!

what a load of crap. I support leeds-and i can tell you that i'm a true irish cáilín. More irish than you loyal because i'm a gaeilgóir. Stop filling up gaatiipster with stuff like this....

Just in case you're a bit loyal..I never said it was written by you-i said to stop filling gaatipster with this kind of crap. but then again youre from meath, so ya know, that kind of follishness can be expected.....

More than likely, the fool is the one who can't even spell foolishness. But I will let that pass as I don't want to be reduced to winning debates by pointing out spelling mistakes.

Anyway, Esther, do you not think the above is a great piece of writing and storytelling? Even if it has little relevance to this site, surely you can agree that it is very very good? If not, then why not?

Loyal2TheRoyal wrote:More than likely, the fool is the one who can't even spell foolishness. But I will let that pass as I don't want to be reduced to winning debates by pointing out spelling mistakes.

Anyway, Esther, do you not think the above is a great piece of writing and storytelling? Even if it has little relevance to this site, surely you can agree that it is very very good? If not, then why not?

TBH, I think it is creative piece of work-even if there are some contradictions. Although i think it would be more acurate if Meath replaced Mayo in the story....then it would deserve a good 9

Loyal2TheRoyal wrote:And what a post it was, RMD! Voted second greatest post on HS in 2008, number one was Part II of this story.

Bit embarrasing from Swinford and the two Mayo ladies there, no doubt they will try and go back on their words now they know I wasn't the author of the story - the perfect example of judging the poster and not the post.

Not one negative comment did this post recieve on HS and already three here - presumably because everyone thinks I wrote it, not that I'm overly bothered. It just shows the people who replied up for what they are.

Loyal don't be self-pitying. The GAA world doesn't revolve around you. If Jayo was the one who put it up here he'd get the same flak. Jayo was the one who wrote it, right, well it wasn't him who posted it up here was it?

Right, so your point is?

Hey Swinford do you support Leeds aswell? Beckford's a great player, working magic for Leeds. He's a bit of a hot head though, I hope he wouldn't lose the head in an important match. Saw him last Summer in Terryland. He's a lot smaller than he looks on the telly but he's a topclass player. Imagine what he'll be like when he's that bit older. Hopefully they'll get promoted this year. If they do and after a couple of signings I can see them up in the Premiership after a year or two.

Loyal2TheRoyal wrote:Right, so your point is?

Loyal2TheRoyal wrote:Right, so your point is?

You didn't have to put that up. You knew it would annoy us. How I know that is because I checked it over in HS and it's August 2008 stuff. You just posted a new comment insulting whiterbannas - a Mayo man - and decided to put the story up here. Stop needlessly creating fights. Stop trying to drag gaatipster down to HS levels.

Me insult Whiterbannnas?

Loyal2TheRoyal wrote:Me insult Whiterbannnas?

I copied and pasted it here except it was taken down. Stop trying to create fights and don't bother answering this post because I'm not gonna reply anymore. It's quite clear you're intent on causing disruption.

Peace out!!!

I note your bumping across yonder has been de-bumped... Strange indeed!

Only noticing that now.

I am not happy at all about this.

The complex relationship between WB and LTTR can be confusing to some people.
In actual fact Loyal was complimenting WB.

Loyal2TheRoyal wrote:Only noticing that now.

I am not happy at all about this.

About what?

What's the story with Loyal getting stick for putting this up, twas a great read! Any chance of digging up the second part Loyal?

His stupid comment about Whiterbannas was deleted.

LilMaighEo wrote:His stupid comment about Whiterbannas was deleted.

What was this comment anyway Lil, was looking for it before and couldn't see it? Only one I could see was the 1000th post one.