Money saving and other tips .....

Thanks to Boxty for these - he was too shy to put them up himself.

SAVE petrol by pushing your car to your destination. Invariably passers-by will think you've broken down and help.

SAVE money on doorbell batteries by removing them and simply popping to the door every two minutes to see if anyone is there.

SAVE electricity by turning off all the lights in your house and walking around wearing a miner's hat.

OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know.

AVOID over ordering milk by placing your fridge on the pavement just outside your gate. The milkman can then check your day-to-day requirement for himself.

WHEN reading a book try tearing out the pages as you read them. This saves the expense of buying a bookmark, and the pages can later be used for shopping lists.

MOTORISTS. Pressing your 'fog lights' switch a second time after the fog has cleared will actually turn your fog lights off.

DRILL a one inch diameter hole in your refrigerator door. This will allow you to check that the light goes off when the door is closed.

BUY a television set exactly like your neighbours. Then annoy them by standing outside their window and changing their channel using your identical remote control.

HOUSEWIVES. I find the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the other in your coat pocket.

Use sand instead of sugar in your tea. Can be re-used many times, and has far fewer calories.

WHEN throwing someone a sharp instrument such as a Stanley knife, or bread knife, always throw it blade first as they invariably tend to turn whilst in the air.

AVOID being wheel clamped by jacking your car up, removing the wheels and locking them safely in the boot until you return.

SMELL gas? Locate the suspected leak by striking an ordinary match in every room in the house until a loud explosion reveals the source of the escaping gas.

AVOID parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers turned to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

TAXI drivers. Why not pop into the garage and ask them to fix your indicator lights for you so that other motorists know where the **** you're going.

SAVE the cost of installing cable TV by taping current editions of Top Of The Pops and then watching them in fifteen years' time.

OLD contact lenses make ideal 'portholes' for small model boats.

KEEP a hammer close to your bed in case any nails fall out of the ceiling at night.

INCREASE the life of your carpets by rolling them up and keeping them in the garage.

NEVER attempt to fasten your shoe laces in a revolving supermarket door.

TAKE your dustbin to the supermarket with you so that you can see which items you have recently run out of.

MAKE shopkeepers feel like criminals and con men by carefully checking their change and holding bank notes up to the light before accepting them.

NO TIME for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

GIVE your friends the impression that you wear contact lenses by blinking frequently midway through conversations, and stopping to carefully pull at your lower eyelids.

WIG wearers. Secure your toupee in high winds by wearing a brightly coloured party hat with elasticated chin strap. Carry a balloon and a bottle of wine and you'll pass off as an innocent party-goer.

PENSIONERS. Don't forget to retire to bed before 8.00 pm so that you can get up tomorrow at the crack of dawn and go and collect your morning paper while anyone with any sense is still sound asleep in bed.

PUTTING just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and causes them to swim in an amusing manner.

PLASTIC tops from smartie tubes make ideal Frisbees for a pet gerbil, or hamster.

PRETEND your house is a pub by stubbing out cigarettes on the carpet, watering your cans of beer and kicking your wife out into the garden at 11:30.

PEOPLE whose surname is Toblerone should always take along an empty 'Toblerone' chocolate box when attending interviews for office jobs. This would save your potential employer the expense of having to make a name triangle for your desk, and therefore increase your chances of getting the job.

BEER bottle tops floated upside down in the bath, make ideal 'dinghies' for spiders. Flies can also use them as aircraft carriers.

WHEN reading a book try tearing out the pages as you read them. This saves the expense of buying a bookmark, and the pages can later be used for shopping lists.

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Given the type of well thumbed paperbacks that Boxty keeps stashed in the Cistern - Im hoping that your Greengrocer is broad minded

We need Jonsmith and his fellow countymen to give us a hand with this thread here.

Speaking of threads/treads, if you need a change of tyres on your car - hire a car with similar tyres for the day and replace them with your old tyres. Return the car - rental companies never check tread depth.

An old man walks into a jewellers with a young beautiful blonde and asks to see some expensive diamonds. The assistant shows him a diamond valued at 5,000 euro. The old man says that it is too cheap and that he wants one valued at 50,000. The blond's eyes nearly fell out when she saw the huge diamond and the old las promptly wrote out a cheque and told the assistant that he would be back to collect the diamond the following Monday when the cheque cleared. On Monday the assistant rang the old man saying that the cheque was worthless as there was no money behind it. The old man said " I know that, but can you imagine the weekend i had " !!

Save money on buying bedding for pets by using shredded paper from the office, or your own shredding machine.

Raid the lost and found in various locations. Libraries, schools, and public pools, are all great places where you can pick up great items at a steal.

In supermarkets they often have a dish with change (copper) at the checkout - encouraging you to take or leave a few coppers - whichever you like. If you visit 2,000 shops a day and take 5 cents each time you could make €100.00!!

Again on the motoring front, its hardly necessary to tax your car for the full year (12 months)....
Boxty finds that the tax on his vehicle is, I think, about €600 pa. I might tax it for the odd 3 months, usually in the summertime, when I'd be venturing to places such as the Hyde or that. Generally I'd bump into the local Sgt. off and on and I gets the oul' "tax renewal form" stamped by him and sticks her in the pouch.
It goes without saying that I wouldn't see him with an empty vessel should we meet on a sociable occasion and I'd sling him a few bottles of "the good stuff" at this time of the year.
Diesel chariots go just as well on the green/agri diesel too I might add and this is way more of a saving than you might think....

You urban dwellers have a lot to learn about the real world...BTW kerosene is 10/12c per litre cheaper 10/12 miles away ....a small tanker is a good investment...

Jayo Cluxton wrote:In supermarkets they often have a dish with change (copper) at the checkout - encouraging you to take or leave a few coppers - whichever you like. If you visit 2,000 shops a day and take 5 cents each time you could make €100.00!!

The fountain in the ILAC center was always good for the fare home

Boxtyeater wrote:

You urban dwellers have a lot to learn about the real world...BTW kerosene is 10/12c per litre cheaper 10/12 miles away ....a small tanker is a good investment...

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No need - Merely phone the local man and ask him for a price - advise that you can get it cheaper- They usually work it out and conform.
Cash on Delivery no questions asked - don;t ask for a receipt and take delivery after 5.00pm custom officers hardly getting OT in the current climate.

Mohammed -mountain and all that

OMAR wrote:[No need - Merely phone the local man and ask him for a price - advise that you can get it cheaper- They usually work it out and conform.
Cash on Delivery no questions asked - don;t ask for a receipt and take delivery after 5.00pm custom officers hardly getting OT in the current climate.

Mohammed -mountain and all that

I'm quite familiar with the price matching technique and can confirm that my supplier comes in at the quoted price, below the local suppliers and post haggling.. In any event, should you be familiar and I daresay you are, with the place in question, well, there are some "other products" available there, stored in cardboard boxes around the back sort of.....