Share Your Funnies With The Rest of Us

There are some characters on here who would have any amount of funny stories to tell so its time to share with the rest of us - even if you don't have any make them up like JC often does......

I'll get the ball rolling.

A mate of mine had a brother who was living in Dublin about 15 or so years ago. Anyway he was courting the daughter of a TD (dont ask me who he wouldnt tell) and one night he was invited to a black tie party at the residence of this particular politician. This was your mans first time to meet the 'in-laws', in he went suitably dressed for the occasion with a bottle of wine and some flowers for the girlfriends mother, all to create the right first impression. The crowd soon gathered until there was upwards of 50 -60 people all gathered in the dining room/conservatory area of the house and he was being introduced to some very important arseholes.

Mother nature called and your man was in dire need of a good crap, so having got the directions to the bathroom of he headed for a much needed sit down. As luck would have it he produced the mother of all craps, and then the fun started. He flushed the toilet several times only to find a monster floater staring up at him after each one. He figured he couldn't just walk out and leave this uninvited guest in the bog and pass it off as someone else's handywork so he grabbed the cardboard part of the toilet roll which he had at this stage used in its entirety, he ripped it apart and reached in and collected his floater opened the bathroom window and chucked it outside.

Rather happy with his quick thinking he give the toilet one last flush, washed his hands and headed off back in the direction of the party. Much to his shock and embarrassment as he got to the top of the stairs to commence his descent he quickly observed everyone staring up at the roof of the conservatory, and all he could see was his waste product sliding down the glass of the conservatory in all its glory.

Needless to say he headed for the front door without speaking another word ........

No way!

Jayo Cluxton wrote:No way!

Oh how I laughed

I'm not sure whether this should go in the 'funny moment thread' or the 'I'm so cute and silly' thread!

When I was younger, my friend got a Mayo Teddy bear just to grig me that I didnt have one. She'd rub and cuddle it all the time. I considered ripping the stuffing out of the bear, but anything wearing red and green is simply to precious to alter(I'm sure mossy would agree with me there)

Anywho, about a week later returning home after a match, we went to Supermacs(as ya do) and I saw that illusive white teddy with the Mayo strip on-but by the time I managed to calm down from all that excitment, the supermac person and managed to give us our order.

As my parents were busy all that week, there was no way that they could bring me down to Supermacs and get my bear. So, I rang them up.

Me(in squeaky baby voice): Do you do teddy bears?
Mr.Supermac: emmmm, sorry?
Me: Teddy bears, Mayo teddy bears?
Mr.Supermac: oh, em we sell them.
Me: How much?
Mr.Supermac: a tenner
Me: Could I order a home delivery then please of a Mayo teddy?
Mr.Supermac:laughs.. em we dont do that?
Me: What if I order a drink with it?
Mr.supermac: Goodbye now
Me: Ara feck off ya Galway Supporter ya(even tho he was a pakistani)

Oh the innocence of Children...........

my friend Robbie about ten seconds ago:

"Why are you bothered about the Republic of Ireland result?"
"Because I'm Irish..."
"Yeah but you're from the south so I didn't think you'd be bothered."

they just don't understand!!!

Jayo Cluxton wrote:No way!

i expected a 'no s**t' comment from you JC

Its a true story and i laugh my nuts of everytime i think of it

Old boy goes to the Doc with very bad hearing. Doc fixes him up with state of the art hearing aids, miniscule little ones.

OB comes back in a month and professes 100% satisfaction with the results of the hearing aids.

Doc says "bet your family are delighted with the improvement".

OB " nah I haven't told them yet, but I've changed my will 3 times in a month".......

True story.

Was home in Sligo for training last weekend, and the mother (a GP) was working Saturday morning.

When she got home that afternoon she could barely keep a straight face telling us about a patient that had arrived in to see her that morning.

The patient was an elderly lady (she wouldn't say who), and she was complaining of feeling generally run down and under the weather. Mother B&W proceeded to check her out, and arrived at the conclusion that the lady was suffering from a minor virus, and should be fine after a few days rest.
When she informed the elderly patient of her diagnosis, the response was as follows:

"I must have gotten it from our computer. My grandson told me during the week that it had a virus."

Cue 10 minutes of awkwardness as mum tried to explain the difference between a computer virus and a biological virus without directly calling the woman an idiot.

Still don't know how mum kept a straight face explaining the situation.

The Core PE soccer matches at school. Absolutely insane. Refereeing duties are given to injured pupils so a well-disciplined and fair game is a very rare occurence. This is core PE so guys of all abilities are thrown in together, meaning that whenever a decision is given against one of the rugby lads, instead of protesting, they are most likely to run up and dump tackle the referee.

In such a game I apparently committed a foul (I didn't, it was a perfectly timed slide tackle which took the ball and just happened to take the two biggest guys in the year to the ground as well) and a free kick was awarded. We set about arranging the defence - this was 10 of our team one forming a wall along the goaline.

Whilst two of the opposition (big strong guys) lined up the kick and stood over the ball, one of our players bent down to 'tie his laces' right in front of it.

This however did not deter the free-kick takers and the first lad took a run up, skipped over the ball, picked up our man doing up his shoe and threw him on the floor. As his teammate cleared the obstruction the second fella took his run up and blasted the ball as hard as he could...it travelled about 4 yards before smashing into the back of the head of his rugby-tackling teammate who was just getting up from the ground.

I also find it amusing how the school computer security system has blocked HoganSt. but not GAA Tipster

SamiPremier08 wrote:I also find it amusing how the school computer security system has blocked HoganSt. but not GAA Tipster

It may be for protection against the DBPC virus which is raging (or was ) over there. Check with B&W's mam on it........

GAA Tipster cant be blocked and if anyone reports that it is, I will make a few changes so that it is available again.

bocerty wrote:There are some characters on here who would have any amount of funny stories to tell so its time to share with the rest of us - even if you don't have any make them up like JC often does......

I'll get the ball rolling.

A mate of mine had a brother who was living in Dublin about 15 or so years ago. Anyway he was courting the daughter of a TD (dont ask me who he wouldnt tell) and one night he was invited to a black tie party at the residence of this particular politician. This was your mans first time to meet the 'in-laws', in he went suitably dressed for the occasion with a bottle of wine and some flowers for the girlfriends mother, all to create the right first impression. The crowd soon gathered until there was upwards of 50 -60 people all gathered in the dining room/conservatory area of the house and he was being introduced to some very important arseholes.

Mother nature called and your man was in dire need of a good crap, so having got the directions to the bathroom of he headed for a much needed sit down. As luck would have it he produced the mother of all craps, and then the fun started. He flushed the toilet several times only to find a monster floater staring up at him after each one. He figured he couldn't just walk out and leave this uninvited guest in the bog and pass it off as someone else's handywork so he grabbed the cardboard part of the toilet roll which he had at this stage used in its entirety, he ripped it apart and reached in and collected his floater opened the bathroom window and chucked it outside.

Rather happy with his quick thinking he give the toilet one last flush, washed his hands and headed off back in the direction of the party. Much to his shock and embarrassment as he got to the top of the stairs to commence his descent he quickly observed everyone staring up at the roof of the conservatory, and all he could see was his waste product sliding down the glass of the conservatory in all its glory.

Needless to say he headed for the front door without speaking another word ........

Are you sure you weren't watching television?

clash-of-da-ash wrote:

bocerty wrote:There are some characters on here who would have any amount of funny stories to tell so its time to share with the rest of us - even if you don't have any make them up like JC often does......

I'll get the ball rolling.

A mate of mine had a brother who was living in Dublin about 15 or so years ago. Anyway he was courting the daughter of a TD (dont ask me who he wouldnt tell) and one night he was invited to a black tie party at the residence of this particular politician. This was your mans first time to meet the 'in-laws', in he went suitably dressed for the occasion with a bottle of wine and some flowers for the girlfriends mother, all to create the right first impression. The crowd soon gathered until there was upwards of 50 -60 people all gathered in the dining room/conservatory area of the house and he was being introduced to some very important arseholes.

Mother nature called and your man was in dire need of a good crap, so having got the directions to the bathroom of he headed for a much needed sit down. As luck would have it he produced the mother of all craps, and then the fun started. He flushed the toilet several times only to find a monster floater staring up at him after each one. He figured he couldn't just walk out and leave this uninvited guest in the bog and pass it off as someone else's handywork so he grabbed the cardboard part of the toilet roll which he had at this stage used in its entirety, he ripped it apart and reached in and collected his floater opened the bathroom window and chucked it outside.

Rather happy with his quick thinking he give the toilet one last flush, washed his hands and headed off back in the direction of the party. Much to his shock and embarrassment as he got to the top of the stairs to commence his descent he quickly observed everyone staring up at the roof of the conservatory, and all he could see was his waste product sliding down the glass of the conservatory in all its glory.

Needless to say he headed for the front door without speaking another word ........

Are you sure you weren't watching television?

Clash would you be suggesting i made that one up????????????????

bocerty wrote:

clash-of-da-ash wrote:

bocerty wrote:There are some characters on here who would have any amount of funny stories to tell so its time to share with the rest of us - even if you don't have any make them up like JC often does......

I'll get the ball rolling.

A mate of mine had a brother who was living in Dublin about 15 or so years ago. Anyway he was courting the daughter of a TD (dont ask me who he wouldnt tell) and one night he was invited to a black tie party at the residence of this particular politician. This was your mans first time to meet the 'in-laws', in he went suitably dressed for the occasion with a bottle of wine and some flowers for the girlfriends mother, all to create the right first impression. The crowd soon gathered until there was upwards of 50 -60 people all gathered in the dining room/conservatory area of the house and he was being introduced to some very important arseholes.

Mother nature called and your man was in dire need of a good crap, so having got the directions to the bathroom of he headed for a much needed sit down. As luck would have it he produced the mother of all craps, and then the fun started. He flushed the toilet several times only to find a monster floater staring up at him after each one. He figured he couldn't just walk out and leave this uninvited guest in the bog and pass it off as someone else's handywork so he grabbed the cardboard part of the toilet roll which he had at this stage used in its entirety, he ripped it apart and reached in and collected his floater opened the bathroom window and chucked it outside.

Rather happy with his quick thinking he give the toilet one last flush, washed his hands and headed off back in the direction of the party. Much to his shock and embarrassment as he got to the top of the stairs to commence his descent he quickly observed everyone staring up at the roof of the conservatory, and all he could see was his waste product sliding down the glass of the conservatory in all its glory.

Needless to say he headed for the front door without speaking another word ........

Are you sure you weren't watching television?

Clash would you be suggesting i made that one up????????????????

I don't know should I be?

i am sure you all know the greatest terrorist alive or dead as the case maybe

clash-of-da-ash wrote:

bocerty wrote:

clash-of-da-ash wrote:

bocerty wrote:There are some characters on here who would have any amount of funny stories to tell so its time to share with the rest of us - even if you don't have any make them up like JC often does......

I'll get the ball rolling.

A mate of mine had a brother who was living in Dublin about 15 or so years ago. Anyway he was courting the daughter of a TD (dont ask me who he wouldnt tell) and one night he was invited to a black tie party at the residence of this particular politician. This was your mans first time to meet the 'in-laws', in he went suitably dressed for the occasion with a bottle of wine and some flowers for the girlfriends mother, all to create the right first impression. The crowd soon gathered until there was upwards of 50 -60 people all gathered in the dining room/conservatory area of the house and he was being introduced to some very important arseholes.

Mother nature called and your man was in dire need of a good crap, so having got the directions to the bathroom of he headed for a much needed sit down. As luck would have it he produced the mother of all craps, and then the fun started. He flushed the toilet several times only to find a monster floater staring up at him after each one. He figured he couldn't just walk out and leave this uninvited guest in the bog and pass it off as someone else's handywork so he grabbed the cardboard part of the toilet roll which he had at this stage used in its entirety, he ripped it apart and reached in and collected his floater opened the bathroom window and chucked it outside.

Rather happy with his quick thinking he give the toilet one last flush, washed his hands and headed off back in the direction of the party. Much to his shock and embarrassment as he got to the top of the stairs to commence his descent he quickly observed everyone staring up at the roof of the conservatory, and all he could see was his waste product sliding down the glass of the conservatory in all its glory.

Needless to say he headed for the front door without speaking another word ........

Are you sure you weren't watching television?

Clash would you be suggesting i made that one up????????????????

I don't know should I be?

thats your call Clash not mine - i can only tell you its a true story whether you choose to believe it or not is entirely up to you. I would ask though why you doubt the validity of it???????????

bocerty wrote:

clash-of-da-ash wrote:

bocerty wrote:

clash-of-da-ash wrote:

bocerty wrote:There are some characters on here who would have any amount of funny stories to tell so its time to share with the rest of us - even if you don't have any make them up like JC often does......

I'll get the ball rolling.

A mate of mine had a brother who was living in Dublin about 15 or so years ago. Anyway he was courting the daughter of a TD (dont ask me who he wouldnt tell) and one night he was invited to a black tie party at the residence of this particular politician. This was your mans first time to meet the 'in-laws', in he went suitably dressed for the occasion with a bottle of wine and some flowers for the girlfriends mother, all to create the right first impression. The crowd soon gathered until there was upwards of 50 -60 people all gathered in the dining room/conservatory area of the house and he was being introduced to some very important arseholes.

Mother nature called and your man was in dire need of a good crap, so having got the directions to the bathroom of he headed for a much needed sit down. As luck would have it he produced the mother of all craps, and then the fun started. He flushed the toilet several times only to find a monster floater staring up at him after each one. He figured he couldn't just walk out and leave this uninvited guest in the bog and pass it off as someone else's handywork so he grabbed the cardboard part of the toilet roll which he had at this stage used in its entirety, he ripped it apart and reached in and collected his floater opened the bathroom window and chucked it outside.

Rather happy with his quick thinking he give the toilet one last flush, washed his hands and headed off back in the direction of the party. Much to his shock and embarrassment as he got to the top of the stairs to commence his descent he quickly observed everyone staring up at the roof of the conservatory, and all he could see was his waste product sliding down the glass of the conservatory in all its glory.

Needless to say he headed for the front door without speaking another word ........

Are you sure you weren't watching television?

Clash would you be suggesting i made that one up????????????????

I don't know should I be?

thats your call Clash not mine - i can only tell you its a true story whether you choose to believe it or not is entirely up to you. I would ask though why you doubt the validity of it???????????

I saw it on a programme called "worst week of my life".

[quote="clash-of-da-ash"][quote="bocerty"][quote="clash-of-da-ash"][quote="bocerty"][quote="clash-of-da-ash"]

bocerty wrote:
I saw it on a programme called "worst week of my life".

Clash i'm not aware of the program and can honestly say I've never seen it - the story is true believe it or believe it not. Perhaps if you knew the character involved you'd probably have no problem believing it.................