Liverpool...club crises.....remedial action.

Boxtyeater, as a member if the FBI (No, not the USA version, but the Fenagh-Ballinamore Initiative) has been nominated by the
BBC (Ballinamore Boozers Club ) to investigate the problems besetting this once famous club and to this end is going to the city for 5 days 5/11-10/11 09 on a forensic investigative mission.
Knowing feck all about soccerball I've been forced to commandeer the services of a son-in-law as a sort of "special advisor".
In the true John O'Donoghue spirit of these missions, we are being accompanied by our respective wives who will perform secretarial and catering duties and get some info from the female perspective.
But I have a few problems that I need guidance on.
I'll need some catchy phrases.....drive it in low ta' phook will hardly sound good and not wanting to look a plank, as head of the delegation, a few snappy one-liners allied to S-in-L's "alleged" knowledge will carry the day.
Mention of Ger Loughnane tactics, carrying concrete blocks and other rural methods, while fine here, are I'd say taboo.

A guide to the city, where one could get a sherry and a small bite to eat at a modest price would be sound.
I'm assuming they speak some form of English that I can understand, normally I turn on the sub-titles when Stevie speaks...

The blue half look like they'll be needing your help as well going on tonights performance.
Their a touchy bunch scoucers. The current mayor of London had to go up there once and apologize in person for something he wrote once. Be sure and say hello to Rafa on his way out Boxty.

B - haven't been there for years so can't help with food n drink. Some soccerball lingo though -

Watch yer house
Dublin - someone is breaking in
Liverpool - guy going to tackle you from behind.

Get it down the channels
Dublin - flush your gear down the jacks when the bizzies (L'pool term) arrive
Liverpool - play the ball down the wing.

One on one
Dublin - pronounce wan on wan - fish and chips.
Liverpool - attacker taking on last defender

You have him in your pocket
Dublin - a dipper is relieving your cash
Liverpool - defender is marking forward tightly.

Get up his ar*e
Dublin - Well more a Cork term than a Dublin one
Liverpool - Get tight to the man in possession.

Time now please!
Same in both places Boxty so get 'em in!!!

Get out of the way ye tan b*stards might cover it all

Jayo Cluxton wrote:
Watch yer house
Dublin - someone is breaking in
Liverpool - guy going to tackle you from behind.

I think "watch yer house" is the advice they give to Liverpool players before mid-week games.

It might be a good idea to learn the words to "You'll never walk alone".

Also do not buy, mention, refer to or be seen with ......... a beach ball ...

Boxty in years gone by i have attended soccer matches at both Goodison and Anfield, both times the oppopsition were Man United the team i follow, on both occasions for reasons beyond control i ended up seated with the home fans

On both occasions United won but i sat there like someone who didnt even care - like most supporters in Croker on All Ireland final day - it was easily the worst 2 sporting occasions i ever had to endure.

Songs like Manchester is full of sh1t, Rooney is a fat b*****d, etc should ender you to the local scumbag population.

bocerty wrote:Songs like Manchester is full of sh1t, Rooney is a fat b*****d, etc should ender you to the local scumbag population.

But Manchester is full of sh1t and he is a fat b*****d

rmd spuds sp ud s!

Boxty a few other terms to learn before you arrive in Liverpool are 'calm down calm down' this phrase is usually used to defuse a potentially volatile situation and is universally understood on merseyside.

Another is 'trackies and trainies' this is a term used to describe what most Liverpudlians wear on a constant basis even in bed - translated it roughly means tracksuits and trainers.

The other is 'divvy' this is the local term of endearment in much the same way we would refer to someone as an arsehole or a dickhead. Use it sparingly...............

If may also be useful to stock up on a variety of shell suits so that you blend in with the locals who's dress sense is suspect to say the least.

Referring to replies put forward thus far, this trip is rapidly losing it's appeal. Trackies, divvys etc.

It's Liverpool I'm going to, but it's beginning to sound like Dublin....

Boxtyeater wrote:Referring to replies put forward thus far, this trip is rapidly losing it's appeal. Trackies, divvys etc.

It's Liverpool I'm going to, but it's beginning to sound like Dublin....

it would a kind of home from home for a Dub - both cities would have much in common - one of which is you cant underayand a f**king word they say - oh and the cant count at snooker either

sure all will be fine again about 4 o clock 2moro!!

Having beaten United three times now Liverpool must be team of the decade.

after much bull going on I gave in and brought the 5 year old to see his beloved united called & collected ole fella a stanch ally of the 5 year old . in the car over (boxty type senior and junior harped on about the "beautiful game" arrived in pub spotted a few lads I knew let junior(boxty terms again I know) let 5 annoy them and I watched KK final. needless to say I arrived home with a liverpool fan and a boxty senior a bit miffed lost a game and a fan. Boxty middle used this to total advanage and now fingers crossed will have the foreign game left to the tans the welsh and the pale

thefootballshirt.com do a great range of replica soccerball jersies Jim.
For £12.99 you could get him a wee Liverpool shirt with surnameXXXX 5 on the back of it.....he'd love it the wee garsún.

Christmas time and all that Jim, a pressie from "my daddy". If I don't hear positively in this regard I'll deem you heartless.
Imagine the excitement in Chez Jim on Xmas morn and Jim seething.....

Boxtyeater wrote:thefootballshirt.com do a great range of replica soccerball jersies Jim.
For £12.99 you could get him a wee Liverpool shirt with surnameXXXX 5 on the back of it.....he'd love it the wee garsún.

Christmas time and all that Jim, a pressie from "my daddy". If I don't hear positively in this regard I'll deem you heartless.
Imagine the excitement in Chez Jim on Xmas morn and Jim seething.....

Good call Boxty - you know it akes sense Jim ....

Sorry never, call me heartless but I will not buy one of those things.
Firm believer in the bag of coal.
No only soccer jeansaí to cross this threshold here was a newcastle one and until he converts it will be all he see's saying that, I wouldn't have a clue of who plays for who only knew about 5/6 players last sunday

Liverpool......hmmmmmm a surprisingly busy and friendly city. Arriving at 8.30am we couldn't check in till 2.30 so we opted for the Anfield tour. £14 per head and £8 for fogies so off we popped. Directors lounge, Legends lounge, seats in directors box, the museum complete with a rake of trophies, Kop end, do NOT walk on the grass and the dressing rooms. These are surprisingly basic and indeed quite small. Indeed for a ground that holds 45k the entire stadium looked small. A point of note was that if you were seated at the front row of the Kop end you were about 2 foot below the pitch level.
We went on the next day to visit the Maritime museum and the British slavery museums which were very good experiences.

Swooping swiftly into Aldo's (4 pints of Carling for £7.20) we rambled into Ricky Tomlinson outside a John Lewis dept store. Ricky was appearing in his Jim Royle ensemble, anorak, runners etc and appeared to be shopping.
The ladies had now gotten the retail therapy virus and I was forced to spend the afternoon mooching around shops in search of "bargains". Watched the fight Sat night in O'Neill's in the city center and it had all the things I despise in pubs, jukeboxes, tellys X8, fruit machines and food....
There was a 50/50 opinion on Benitez from locals I spoke with. All in all I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Boxty - that wasn't Jim Royal outside John Lewis at all at all - it was just one of those mirror shop windows!!

Jayo Cluxton wrote:Boxty - that wasn't Jim Royal outside John Lewis at all at all - it was just one of those mirror shop windows!!

Well it wasn't Joe Royle either although he was also a big fat duffer....

No Boxty - think mirror here!

Jayo Cluxton wrote:No Boxty - think mirror here!

just ignore him Boxty - just because he is a long string of sh1te like Anthony out of the same show

Jayo Cluxton wrote:No Boxty - think mirror here!

Baxtard......