Could someone tell me...

Why oh why is Emile Heskey England's first choice partner up front with Rooney for the world cup!? I mean he can't even nail down a starting place for Villa and scored just 3 league goals so far this year. Yet there still seems to be a question mark over whether or not Darren Bent will be included despite the fact that he has played every single game and scored 26 goals for Sunderland. Crouch also can't get much game time with Spurs but you could forgive that as he provides a height option that no other striker could. It seems crazy to me..

No - sorry JS - I can't tell you. Emile Heskey's 'rating' as a striker is right up there with the great footballing mysteries such as why does Kevin Kilbane have over 100 caps, why does Paul McShane have even one cap, why is it always someone else's fault when Man Utd lose, why are Leeds in the third division etc, etc, ...

Jayo Cluxton wrote:No - sorry JS - I can't tell you. Emile Heskey's 'rating' as a striker is right up there with the great footballing mysteries such as why does Kevin Kilbane have over 100 caps, why does Paul McShane have even one cap, why is it always someone else's fault when Man Utd lose, why are Leeds in the third division etc, etc, ...

Wow, just calm down there young Cluxton! Kevin Kilbane IS Irish football, easily the greatest player we have produced........EVER.......FACT!

*Fact denotes arguement over.....i win!

They don't call him Zinedine Kilbane for nothing..

Poor ould Hull relegated ....... with an international line-up of Paul McShane, Kevin Kilbane and Stephen Hunt (relegated last year too ....)

Hard to fathom .....

Harsh but fair??

Take this test to see whether you are indeed England lump
Emile Heskey or infact a half-decent player who actually produces the goods
that your position requires...

------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. You are through on goal with only the keeper and a defender left to
beat. The last defender is only 5'3" and seven stone. What happens next?

a) You round him easily and take the keeper on one-to-one, then calmly
chip the ball over his head into the empty net.
b) Take the defender on for speed and skin him, then round the keeper
and walk the ball confidently into the goal.
c) The defender accidentally blows on you as he gets within three
yards...and you fall over, flat on your great big fat ****. Then
it's both arms up and face pulled in the hope that the referee will give you
the most unlikely penalty ever awarded.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

2. Would you describe yourself as a prolific goalscorer?

a) Yes.
b) No, but you have scored more than your fair share in your career.
c) Would you feck. If you're a prolific goalscorer then Mandy Smith's a
beached whale.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

3. You are walking down the street one day when a bird sh!ts on you
from overhead. How do you react to this?

a) Smile and see the funny side of it.
b) Wipe it off gingerly and look to the skies in disgust.
c) Fall over on the spot as though you've just been snipered through the
head with a hunting rifle. Then roll over and demand that the bird be sent
off.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

4. How quickly can you run the 100 metres?

a) Very quickly, with a best time of 10.3 seconds.
b) Quite fast, though you can only manage it in just over 11 seconds.
c) "Run"? What the feck is that? You mean waddle along ????

------------------------------------------------------------------------

5. During a match, a high ball is crossed to you in the penalty area.
How do you head the ball?

a) With extreme power and accuracy.
b) Quite powerfully and with some degree of accuracy, though heading has
never been your strongest point.
c) With your ****...because you've been upended again by some three-foot
anorexic dwarf defender from West Brom.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

6. A long ball is played up to you from defence. It's a fair distance
ahead of you, so what do you do?

a) Get your head down and set off at full pace, reaching it just before it
goes out of play for a goal-kick.
b) Try to make it to the ball, because the cause is never lost. It's always
worth making the effort.
c) Nothing. Just stand there like a great big fat soft-arsed **** and pull
a face as if it's not down to you.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
7. During a match you are involved in a bruising challenge with a
smaller player from the opposition. Which of these is the most likely
outcome?

a) The player bounces off your huge frame and knocks himself out, has to
leave the field and is out through injury for several weeks.
b) The opposing player is slightly shaken, though not badly hurt, and from
then on he makes sure he doesn't do it again.
c) You are incongruously bounced fifty feet in the air and land in Row Z,
where you suffer a broken face, three dislocated teeth, etc.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
8. Your nickname at your former club was "Bruno". Why was this?

a) Because Bruno is such a macho sounding name and goes with your
hulking appearance.
b) Because your aggressive approach reminds you of the old St Bernard
dog off the St Bruno adverts - big, strong, relentless and tough as old
boots.
c) Because of the boxer, Frank Bruno, and the fact that he was useless
**** who kept falling flat on his **** for no reason as well too.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

9. What has been the biggest effect since your transfer to Liverpool?

a) The higher profile and the greater expectations of the fans.
b) Just the fact that you are playing for one of most famous clubs in
history.
c) Earthquakes in the Merseyside area have increased by 3000% because
of your great big fat **** hitting the deck so many times. Much more of it
and they'll be pulling the stands down due to foundation damage.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

ANSWERS:
Mainly a: You're not Emile Heskey.
Mainly b: Neither are you.
Mainly c: Well done, you are Emile Heskey and you're crap.

5-1 even heskey scored - 5-1 even Heskey scored 5-1 even Heskey scored 5-1 Even heskey scored

I've always thought Heskey wasn't brilliant, but it's undeniable that when Rooney partners Heskey something clicks up front for England. Heskey may not score the goals but his presence somehow seems to result in them. With the likes of Crouch and Defoe ready on the touchline to get on and a bag a few later on all is good.