Nursery Rhymes

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little :BEEP:.

Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.

Simple Simon met a Pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you dumb ass"

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.

Hey diddle diddle the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.

Georgie Porgy Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.

Mary had a little lamb
It had a touch of colic
She gave it brandy everyday
And now it’s alcoholic!

Mary had a little lamb
It's fleece was white and whispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now its black and crispy.

Mary had a little lamb,
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its ass
And turned its wool to nylon.

Mary had a little lamb,
It leapt around in hops.
It frolicked on the road one day
And finished up as chops.

Jack and Jill went up a hill
To fetch a pail of water,
God knows what they did up there
They came back with a daughter.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
For just an itty bitty.
Jill’s now two months overdue
And Jack has left the city.

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
Her clothes all tattered and torn.
It wasn't the spider that crept up beside her,
But Little Boy Blue and his horn.

Old Mother Hubbard,
Went to the cupboard,
To fetch her poor dog a bone.
When she bent over,
Rover took over,
And gave her a bone of his own.

Little Boy Blew.
Hey! He needed the money.

Hickory Dickory dock
Three mice ran up the clock
The clock struck one -
and the other two escaped with minor injuries.

There was a little girl,
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead...
And when she was good,
She was very very good,
But when she was bad
She got a fur coat, jewels, a Waterfront condo and a sports car.

Hey Diddle Diddle
The Cat did a Piddle
All over the Kitchn Floor,
The little dog laughed to see such fun
And the cat did a little bit more

Shinners had a little lamb,
She also had a bunny,
Some of her rhymes are very bad,
A few are fairly funny.

Loyal had a little lamb,
He took it to the boozer,
It helped with his GAA tipster,
Is that why he's the loser?

Jayo had a litte lamb,
He wanted it to be a Dub,
But it wasn't quite aggressive enough,
So he bought a lion cub.

RM had a little lamb,
He took it for a Drive,
Turns out it's name was Prawo Jazdy,
They're lucky to be alive!

SamiPremier08 wrote:Shinners had a little lamb,
She also had a bunny,
Some of her rhymes are very bad,
A few are fairly funny.

Loyal had a little lamb,
He took it to the boozer,
It helped with his GAA tipster,
Is that why he's the loser?

Jayo had a litte lamb,
He wanted it to be a Dub,
But it wasn't quite aggressive enough,
So he bought a lion cub.

RM had a little lamb,
He took it for a Drive,
Turns out it's name was Prawo Jazdy,
They're lucky to be alive!

Quality Sami!!

Fair Play Sami! Here's one of my own:

Sami had a little lamb,
Some carrots, spuds and gravy,
He used to have a baldy head
Now his locks are wavy!!

Shinners had a little lamb,
With pretty white fluffy ears,
How long can we keep thinking these up?
Because I'm running out of ideas!

WTF is that avatar RM Drive? Looks like something that escaped from Village People!! I'm getting worried about you!

Sami is from County Tipp,
He has a hurl and sliotar,
But when his Premier boys get beat,
He becomes all mean and bitter.

haha very good

Shinners wishes she was from County Tipp,
To me a little birdie told (I think it was called Jayo)
She wants a hurley for her birthday,
And wants to wear the blue and gold.

UP TIPP

Beware of Tipp guys Shinners. They always give you the camán.........

Jayo runs the Tipster comp,
His posts are wise and witty,
But when it comes to cracking jokes,
They usually are quite shitty!!!!



I'm here all week, be sure to tip your waitress!!

Shinners wrote:

I'm here all week, be sure to tip your waitress!!

I always 'tip' the waitress!

And ye are all cheating with your 4 line poems. Limericks have 5 - 2 rhyming couplets and a fifth line that rhymes with the first couplet. At least make it hard on yourselves.

Sorry I appear to be lost here?

Anyone point me in the direction of the GAA TIPSTER FORUM?

Loyal2TheRoyal wrote:Sorry I appear to be lost here?

Anyone point me in the direction of the GAA TIPSTER FORUM?

Yes my friend, you do appear lost. There is plenty of GAA chat on the GAA football, hurling and Club threads but you don't seem to have found them at all .........

For a minute, I thought I was here:

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Well thats a relief.

Whats your favourite poem, Jayo? Here's mine:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,


And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Yep Robert Frost - excellent!

Hav loads of favourites but I like this one about the homeless

Inhuman Nature

You slouch in the doorway
Implore with your fingers
I ignorantly pass you
But my guiltiness lingers.

You sit on the cold step
Your eyes do your bidding
I sprint in the rat race
And pretend that you’re hidden.

When once we had time
To acknowledge and care
Now we race to the bottom
You are already there.

While you have no home
No possessions to see
At night you sleep
More soundly than me.


ps A bit biased cos I wrote it!

Yeah that would seem like a good poem Jayo.

But I confess, I don't know a whole lot about the old poetry. All this hidden meaning and metaphors and onomatopaioa, it really used to drive me up the wall.

Agree totally Loyal!

You read it, you enjoy it, you like it - thats all there is to it.

Poetry - like a lot of 'the arts' - there is a snobbiness involved. People go on ad nauseam about poems, paintings, novels and all sorts -about mood and context and hidden meanings etc etc.

Its simple really - you read it/look at it/listen ot it and enjoy it. Art is for everyone!

Jayo Cluxton wrote:WTF is that avatar RM Drive? Looks like something that escaped from Village People!! I'm getting worried about you!

its big gay al from south park " oh jeesusss"