well that's that then...

My compulsory education is over as of 11am tomorrow.

All I am required to do then is turn up for a few exams then I can become a lazy, unhealthy layabout.

Good stuff.

Nice one!

The A levels and then Uni.

A good decade of fun ahead of you Sam.

Your education ceases the day your pulmonary artery decides to stop working. What you learn in school represents about 3% of your lifelong learning. You will rarely be asked the volume of a cylinder in a post office, or how many chromosomes make up the Bishop of Llandaff dahlia when purchasing socks in Debenhams nor will you be asked with what part of his body did King Harold stop an arrow when negotiating a mortgage loan.

Only now will you start learning the real hard and worthwhile lessons. You will learn to lie to women, to deceive and to flatter and if you learn well it will not cost you a thought. You will learn to work with people and smile and joke with some even though you can't stand them. You will learn when to lick boots and when to put the boot in. You will learn when to play dumb and when to feign outrage. When to sympathise and when to ridicule. You will learn to squash irritants underfoot and when to be cynical and when to be solid! You will learn some lessons the hard way - financially, emotionally or physically. If you learn they should only happen once!

In the fullness of time you may learn the wonders of parenthood. You may learn that you are now number 2, or 3 or 4 on the planet. You will learn that the pain of someone else is far worse than any pain you will ever have. You will learn that you can be easily manipulated and you will wonder in awe at how easily and wilfully it is done by people one eighth of your age. You will aspire, conspire and perspire to provide. And you will do it without a thought.

When you do all this - then son, you will be a man.

Jaysis Jayo you would put Mr. Kipling himself to shame (and by Mr. Kipling I don't mean the bun man).

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Jaysis Jayo you would put Mr. Kipling himself to shame (and by Mr. Kipling I don't mean the bun man).

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Even that Mr Kipling would agree that Jayo has given young Sami EXCEEDLINGLY good advice in that post!!!!

thanks Jayo. can always rely on you for inspiration

You're welcome young Sami. I don't mind imparting my earthy and well worn worldliness - secure in the knowledge that it will enrich a young life as one progresses down the oft fraught highway that is life. Sometimes you will feel like that 18 wheel juggernaut - careering out of control and tethering on the edge. Other times you will be the open top cabriolet - smoothly scything through the countryside, the wind in your hair, the sun on your back and not a care in the world. Or you'll be the family saloon - travelling steadily and without fuss - reliable.

The mode of transport is not hugely important. Making it smoothly, steadily and picking up a few friends on the way! Arriving at your destination with a sense of fulfilment is the key.

can we have a "Jayo's Analogies of Life" thread?

I argree Sami. Us young people could learn a lot from him.